Useful as tits on a bull

simile

Completely useless.

Person 1"How is the new apprentice?"

Person 2"Useful as tits on a bull."

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Useful as an ashtray on a motorbikesame meaning

Useful as a screen door on a submarinecommon version

Handy as shit on a sticksimilar

Useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competitionsimilar

Insults Similes

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While you're here

Flat out like a lizard drinking
Extremely busy. Can be sarcastic about someone who isn't busy at all.
Dry as a dead dingo's donga
Extremely thirsty. Also used for weather that has not seen rain in months.
Full as a fat woman's sock
Completely full, usually after a big feed. Sometimes used for very drunk.
Flash as a rat with a gold tooth
Showing off and very pleased with yourself.
Rare as rocking-horse poo
Almost impossible to find.
Happier than a dog with two tails
Extremely happy.

Random one for ya